Teenagers and S*x! This is not a topic for the faint-hearted! I wrote this blog post in January 2014! I feel the need to revisit this topic! I am deliberately not spiritualizing this topic either! So, here we go!
“Talk to her about sex, and start early. It will probably be a bit awkward, but it is necessary.”― Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Do you think your young people don’t know about S_X? Are African parents having “the talk” with young people? Or are we just wishing it away? Or are we leaving it to the young people, schools, peers, Television to be our proxy in these matters? Or is this a taboo topic to have a discussion around? I can hear some African people gasping right about now, saying, “Oh no, please don’t talk about Sex and the Young people”? That is precisely why I am addressing this! Nothing graphic here, just having a conversation with fellow African parents.
The reality of the situation is that young people know more about these things than you give them credit! They know “how they got here”! They know and sometimes hear you when you and Dad are at it! Even though many people of African descent did not have their parents discuss Sex, we can work towards a paradigm shift!
It is a missed opportunity on our part as parents, as uncomfortable as it may sound, not to be the ones to discuss sex with our young people. We have the opportunity to provide our perspective on sex-related issues.
Using “teaching moments” that may arise while we are together with our young people, we have the opportunity to have an ongoing dialogue. We can provide some insights about “the talk,” thereby helping them clear up misconceptions, etcetera, that they might have. I say it is an ongoing dialogue because that is what it is, an ongoing dialogue!
We should be talking to them about the anatomy of boys and girls, the changes that happen as they approach puberty. We also need to speak to them about feelings of attraction they may have towards others. Does he or she like this boy or girl in their class? How should they handle these attractions? Are we developing these relationships with our children in a manner that will give them the freedom to open up to us? Are we shutting them down every time they try to talk to us?
Is a young person being pressured to have sex before he or she is ready? My answer to that is found in the song by King Sunny Ade and Onyeka Onwenu titled “Wait For Me” – If you love me, you will wait for me! Do you remember the lyrics of the song? Found the YouTube Video!
As African parents, talking about sexual health should be one of the key areas we focus on with our young people!
“If children learn of sex as a relation between their parents to which they owe their own existence, they learn of it in its best form and in connection with its biological purpose.” ― Bertrand Russell
Thank you for hanging out with me! Dr. Abi Adeleke, #hangingoutwithdrabi on Spotify
Thanks for this beautiful piece! So enlightening 🙏🏽