Some kids are flourishing in the age of attending school from home. They may be introverts or children who adjust well. Others are not. Some are feeling stifled by their parents. Some kids are extroverts who thrive around others. And there are others who are not thriving. They are accustomed to being around their friends at school or social friends. I ask that we cut them some slack. Let them have zoom calls, FaceTime with their friends. Let them take some time and do nothing. They do not always have to be engaged in academic activities every hour of the day.
Ask them how they are doing. In the busyness of life, let us stop and check up on them and see how they are doing. We have the spirit of discernment. Let us be discerning about what is going on with the kids. As Christians, we tend to over-spiritualize everything. There is a place for prayers, confessing God’s word. There is also a place for talking to professionals. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, there are alarming trends that we are overlooking: Even before the coronavirus hit, mental health problems such as depression and anxiety were on the rise in children ages 6 to 17. Research shows social isolation can make these symptoms worse. “Give yourself (and the kids) as much permission as possible to relax,” she said. “Rest. Reset. Restore.”
These past semesters have been challenging for children – school on Zoom. They are trying to stay engaged. So, maybe the children are not doing their best academically. Sometimes, Parents are adding to the stress! Sometimes, children want to talk and want to be listened to and not talked at. In talking to several youth, the observation is that parents speak at them and compare them with others and only ask about grades, not about their welfare or challenges that they may be going through. When you ask your child how they are doing? you don’t always have to tie it to academics or academic performance. It can just be “how are you doing?” Are you eating, sleeping, and are you just ok?
We need to create a place of psychological safety. Let us avoid gaslighting – our response should not immediately be “you don’t have to feel that way”, or “have you prayed?” or “go and pray!”, or just be dismissive of the children’s feelings?
Fathers, do not irritate and provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to resentment] but rear them [tenderly] in the training and discipline and the counsel and admonition of the Lord. – Ephesians 6:4 AMPC
In the verse above, even though it say Fathers, I prefer to use the word “Parents”! Parents, let us listen and give the youth room to breathe!
“As long as I was aligned with listening rather than with an intention to receive a particular response or to shift something, we would stay on safe ground.” ― Bonnie Badenoch
Thank you for hanging out with me! Dr. Abi Adeleke, #hangingoutwithdrabi on Spotify
